ITS MY WORLD

2009-12-11T04:36:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yURjufR9ZYY
Spaarta ^^

2009-12-11T04:24:00.000-08:00

someone try callcall see got anot :p

2009-12-11T04:08:00.001-08:00

2009-12-11T04:03:00.001-08:00

2009-10-20T06:28:00.000-07:00

Interview with Ris Low

Now u Can "CONPEAR" the vids :)

Final Editing :p

2009-09-04T05:33:00.001-07:00

2009-09-04T05:32:00.001-07:00

2009-09-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

2009-08-06T21:40:00.001-07:00

ReQuested By Ying Jie

2009-08-04T01:00:00.000-07:00

IMAGIne Ur Wedding Was LikE THAt!!!

2009-06-19T10:57:00.001-07:00

2009-06-01T02:29:00.001-07:00

2009-05-29T00:34:00.001-07:00

2009-05-28T03:50:00.001-07:00

2009-05-26T02:38:00.001-07:00

2009-05-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

2009-05-26T02:14:00.001-07:00

2009-05-24T04:32:00.000-07:00

RARE MUSICAL TALENTS :)

2009-05-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

YAY Pet Society Max LvL Ler

2009-05-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

hubby & Wifey Jokes

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife : 'Yes or no.'
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
----! --! ------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.'

2009-04-25T08:34:00.001-07:00

Lee Bai's Poem - versions in Chinese, English, Singlish, Ah Beng, Army, Osama & Bush

(Chinese Version)
Chuang qian ming yue guang
Yi shi di shang shuang
Ju tou wang ming yue
Di tou shi gu xiang

(English Version)
The moon light is pouring down on my bedside
Like white frost spreading on the ground
I look ! up the bright round moon in the sky
And lower my head thinking of my dear hometown

(Singlish (Phua Chu Kang) Version)
Bedfront Moon Bright Bright
Think Is Floor White White
Lift Head See Moon Moon
Bow Head Miss Home Home...

(Ah-Beng Version)
Bedfront Orr Pi Sai (pick nose)
Think Think Go Pang Sai
Pick Up Tai Gor Tai (handphone)
BS While Lau Sai

(Latest Reservist Army Version)
Bedfront Lau Bark Sai (tears drop)
Thinking About Exercise(reservist mobilization)
Drop Dead Look Into The Sky (run until nobreathe)
Tong Kor Sia Lang Zai? (my heartache nobody knows)

(Osama version)
No friend at my side
Think think Bush will fight
Lift head but where to hide?
This time don't know when will die ?

(Bush version)
Can't sleep since that night
Think think where he hide?
Bomb bomb friends will say I pai
No choice ask them go fly kite

2009-04-24T06:50:00.001-07:00

2009-04-24T06:25:00.001-07:00

2009-04-16T02:00:00.001-07:00

survivor: blonde version
3 girls, a redhead, a burnette and a blonde, got shipwrecked and were left on an isolated island. far ahead was another island which they were unsure if there was anyone living on it. after a short discussion, they decided that they should swim to the island to call for help. but since they were tired, no one was willing to swim to the shores of the other island. in the end, the redhead volunteered herself.

'i'll go,' she said, and she took off her shoes and swam out to the sea, only to return after 1/4 of the journey because she was too tired to carry on. the brunette, thinking that she could do better, decided to volunteer herself too.

'i'll go then,' she said, and she took off her shoes and swam out to the sea, only to return after 1/3 of the journey because she was too tired to carry on. the blonde, seeing that both of them had returned, thought "i can definitely do better than them." and hence, volunteered herself to swim to the other island.

'well, i guess it's my turn to try,' she said, and she took off her shoes and swam out to the sea. however, after 1/2 of the journey, she was too tired and satisfied that she had swum further than the 2 of them, turned and returned to the island.

2009-04-13T06:20:00.001-07:00

Singaporean Acronyms

WITS	Work Improvement Teams	Waste Individual Time Session/ We Idle Together Session
UOB	United Overseas Bank	You Owe Bank
TCS	Television Corporation of Spore	Talk Cock Station
SIA	Singapore International Airlines	Suffer In Agony or Sex In Air
SGH	Singapore General Hospital	Sure Giveup Hope
SDU	Social Development Unit	Single, Desperate and Ugly/ Sexually Depressed and Unwanted
SBS	Singapore Bus Service	Super Blur Sotong/ Screwed-up and Bad Service
SAF	Singapore Armed Forces	Serve And Forget
PWD	Public Works Department	Purposely Want to Dig
PUB	Public Utilities Board	Pay Until Broke
PSI	Pollution Safety Index	Please Stay Indoors
PSA	Port of Singapore Authority	Poor Ships Ahead
POSB	Post Office Savings Bank	Purposely Owe Some Banks
PAP	People's Action Party	Pay And Pay
OUB	Overseas Union Bank	Owe Until Bankrupt
OETI	Ordnance Engineering Training Institute	Only Eat, Talk and Idle
OCBC	Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation	Owe Cash, Boh Credit
NUSSU	NUS Student Union	No Use, So Screw Up
NUS	National University of Singapore	Never Use Sense/ Not Up to Standard/ Nothing Up Stairs
NUH	National University Hospital	Never Use Heart
NTU	Nanyang Technological University	Ninja Turtle University
MRTC	Mass Rapid Transit Corporation	More Road Tax Coming
MRT	Mass Rapid Transit	Mad Rush to Train
MOE	Ministry of Environment	Muggers Only Environment
MAS	Monetary Authority of Singapore	Mad Accounting System/ Must Always Suffer
LTA	Land Transport Authority	Long Tio Ah (crash!)
JTC	Jurong Town Council	Jokers Training Centre
HDB	Housing Development Board	Highly Dangerous Building
GST	Goods and Services Tax	Government Salary Tax or Go Squeeze Them
ERP	Electronic Road Pricing	Everytime Raise Price or Everyday Rob People (contributed by Judhi)
EDB	Economic Development Board	Enough, Don't Bluff
DBS	Development Bank of Singapore	Damn! Boh Salary
CPF	Central Provident Fund	Cash Prior to Funeral or Coffin Provision Fund
COE	Cetificate of Entitlement	Cash On Expressway or worse, "Si hor yi" (give them after death)

2009-04-08T06:36:00.001-07:00

2009-04-05T06:53:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:47:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:44:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:42:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:41:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:38:00.001-07:00

2009-03-30T04:36:00.001-07:00

2009-03-27T05:42:00.001-07:00

2009-03-27T05:30:00.001-07:00

2009-03-27T05:11:00.001-07:00

2009-03-25T03:04:00.001-07:00

2009-03-20T10:58:00.001-07:00

2009-03-13T06:15:00.001-07:00

2009-03-12T03:35:00.000-07:00

ALL ABOUT FIRE ''SAFETY''

2009-03-12T03:22:00.001-07:00

2009-03-09T03:27:00.000-07:00

2009-03-09T03:22:00.001-07:00

2009-03-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

Use CC to See Subs :)

2009-03-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

2009-03-04T05:44:00.001-08:00

2009-03-03T00:49:00.001-08:00

2009-03-01T01:34:00.001-08:00

U r In China

A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happened if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'

2009-03-01T01:31:00.001-08:00

WELCOME TO AIR INDIA..........

> WELCOME TO AIR INDIA !
>
> "Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain MUTHU.
> Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air India . We
> apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather
> and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
>
> This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
> will end up somewhere in India . And, if luck is in our favor, we may
> even be landing on your village!
>
> Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards
> are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
>
> It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our
> passengers have reached their destination only...
>
> If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange
> to turn them off!
>
> To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
> complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw....toseii...mutu mayamm..
>
> For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
> you find out if there really is a God..out there..!
>
> We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
> we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs,
> we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie
> will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
>
> There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
> cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
> down!
>
> In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible
> for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
>
> Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
>
> Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
> fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
> kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you
> who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess
> who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
>
> ENJOY AIR INDIA !

2009-02-19T05:42:00.001-08:00

2009-02-19T05:40:00.001-08:00

2009-02-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

2009-02-06T07:27:00.001-08:00

2009-01-27T23:05:00.000-08:00

A McDonald's love story

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. -

"They were used to sharing everything."

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.

She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.

The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered,

"THE TEETH"

2009-01-27T22:50:00.001-08:00

Each man gives a story

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

2009-01-14T01:20:00.001-08:00

A man is almost about to die

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."

His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

2009-01-14T01:10:00.001-08:00

Saxophone

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold."

She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender say, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

2009-01-14T01:04:00.001-08:00

9 Most Idiotic Promos ever

"a FREE sandwich with the purchase of 20 beers"

"Orange Juice $5 - Jugo de Naranja (spanish for Orange Juice) $4"

"Apply for a Credit Card and receive a FREE 2 liter bottle of Pepsi or Diet Pepsi"

"Eat Kids free"

"1 Jumbo hot dog & 44 oz fountain drink: $2.99 - 1 Jumbo hot dog & 44 oz fountain drink: $1.99"

"Peanut Butter & Jelly. Server with a bottle of Dom Perignon. $148.95"

"get 50% off OR half price, whichever is less"

"3 Mile limited warranty"

"Special $119.99 (Regular $120)"

2009-01-14T00:56:00.002-08:00

WHY BOTHER TO LEARN Poem :) learn from lit lessons :P
　　
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget.
The more you forget, the less you know.
So why bother to learn?!?!?!

2009-01-14T00:56:00.001-08:00

Wrong E-mail Address

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he

decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a

wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent out the

e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her

husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her inbox, expecting

condolence messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first

message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his

mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read as follow:

To : My Loving Wife

Subject: I've reached

Date : 16 May 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, and we

are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached here and

have been checked-in. I see that everything has been prepared for your

arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Bye
Your Hubby

2008-12-10T00:29:00.001-08:00

taxi driver

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KL airport, so he took a Proton taxi.
The taxi driver took his own sweet time driving within the speed limit but the jap was getting impatient.

The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.

A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi. ZOOM!
Jap: Look, look. Toyota! very fast! made in Japan! Proton not good. Made in Malaysia.
Driver: yah.

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi. ZOOM!

Jap: Look, look. Nissan! very good! very fast! made in Japan! Proton not good. Made in Malaysia.
Driver: yah, yah.

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi. ZOOM!

Jap: Look, look. Honda! very GOOD! very fast! made in Japan! Proton not good. Made in Malaysia.
Driver: yah, yah, yah!

Arriving at the airport, the Jap is about to pay the taxi driver.

Jap: How much?
Driver: RM150/-
Jap: Oh. very expensive. you overcharge!
Driver: No. look, look. Sony meter! very good! very fast! Made in Japan!

2008-12-10T00:11:00.000-08:00

2008-12-09T02:25:00.001-08:00

Hokkien jokes

Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know,it's the strangest
thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on
for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the
man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your
father-in-law.It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens
the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the
fridge again!"

***********************************************

QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah".
>
QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns)
>
QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER : Hee hee hee (hokkien for fish)
>

2008-12-08T03:51:00.001-08:00

Wife Vs Girlfriend

Rcvd tis in email:

Wife is like a TV. Girlfriend is like handphone.

At home watch TV. Go out bring h/p.

No money sell TV. Got money change h/p.

Sometime enjoy TV but most of the time play with h/p.

TV free for life but......

h/p, if you don't pay, services will be terminated....!

2008-12-08T02:59:00.001-08:00

Indians Riders LOL!

2008-12-08T02:57:00.001-08:00

A blind man visits the state of Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

2008-12-08T00:44:00.000-08:00

S.H.I.T

In order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T) .

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) .

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T ).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T , you may be interested in a job teaching others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION ( M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) . This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( H.O.T.S.H.I.T ) .

Thank you.

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

2008-12-07T20:21:00.000-08:00

zombie action game

2008-12-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

Japan airlines - best way to fly

2008-12-07T20:12:00.001-08:00

2008-12-07T20:07:00.001-08:00

2008-12-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

2008-12-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

2008-11-19T05:36:00.001-08:00

Some things people say in court!

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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Q: Did he kill you?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

--------------------------------------------------

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
---------------------------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

2008-11-19T05:22:00.001-08:00

3 Nurses and a Wish

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.

"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

2008-11-19T05:13:00.001-08:00

Ah Beng's Jokes

1

Q: Why did Ah Beng go to a X-rated movie with his 18 friends?

A: Because below 18 not allowed Lah !

2

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.

Ah Beng : 'Do you have color TV ?'

Salesgirl : 'Yes !'

Ah Beng : 'Give me a green one, please '

3

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.

He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address
etc.

Then he comes to column on 'Salary Expected', but he is not sure
of the question. After much thought, he writes ' Yes '

4

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : 'What is that shiny object ?'

Salesgirl : 'That is a thermos flask.'

Ah Beng : 'What does it do ?'

Salesgirl : 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'

Ah Beng : 'I'll buy it'

The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask

Boss : 'What is that shiny object ?'

Ah Beng : 'It's a thermos flask.'

Boss : 'What does it do ?'

Ah Beng : 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'

Boss : 'What do you have in it !?'

Ah Beng : 'Two cups of coffee and one scoop of ice cream'

5

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares
it with the original for spelling mistakes.

6

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks
his picture is being taken.

7

Q: Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?

A: Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

8

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.

When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help'
command after some tries.

Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer
retailer for support.

Ah Beng : 'I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been
over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!'

9

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he
answered, 'I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear, lah' 'Oh dear !' the doctor exclaimed
in disbelief. 'But ..what happened to the other ear ?'

Ah Beng answered : 'That stupid dumbo called back again lah !!!!'

10

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.

Ah Beng: 'COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
Taipei AND LAS VEGAS ?'

Operator: 'JUST A MINUTE...'

Ah Beng : 'THANK YOU , lah' AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE

11

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for
quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to
a friend.

'It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT', Ah Beng brags.

'FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG', the friend exclaims.

'YOU ARE A FOOL.' Ah Beng replies, 'SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
FOR 4-7 YRS'.

12

At a bar in New York , the man to Ah Beng's left tells the
bartender,

'JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE'

and his companion says , 'JACK DANIELS, SINGLE'.

The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, 'AND YOU, SIR ?'

Ah Beng replies : 'Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah'

2008-11-19T04:43:00.001-08:00

The Angry Genie

One day a man was walking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

2008-11-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

2008-11-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

Now you know everything !

'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand. 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand.
(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
(Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence:
'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet.
(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak', 'madam' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
(You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious .' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
(All you typists are going to test this out)

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.
(I know some people that could do this too.!)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also)

Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction..

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know more than you did before!!

LOL Peanuts are Explosive !!!

2008-10-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

Alcohol

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

2008-10-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

Blonde Teacher

A Blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.

'It's best I stay here,' he says.'

'Why?', says the blonde.

The boy says: 'Because, I'm the goalie!!'

2008-10-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

A Quickie In The Bush

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you sh*t on its head.'

2008-10-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

The Halloween Costume

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy costume party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg...so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says:
"Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads:
"Dear Sir, since we have not been able to make you happy, this is our last suggestion, please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass, and go as a caramel apple!"

2008-10-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

SUPER BUSINESS SLOGANS

SUPER BUSINESS SLOGANS, PART I

Local ad for a plumber:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be
satisfactory?"

At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

2008-10-27T06:51:00.001-07:00

LOVE STORY IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

LOVE STORY IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were ableto rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

2008-10-22T05:59:00.000-07:00

Go to this link

http://www.onlinevideodb.com/yt/?watch=Comedy_Now_Starring_Russell_Peters_2008&id=MjRSeWoxeXdvcXchIQ==

i laugh till stomachache while watching it watch it when u are sad it will cheer u up!

2008-10-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

** Fixed Price **

3 POWs were caught by the Germans in a war. They were told that they will be shot at while they ran 100 meters. If they survived after that they would then be set free. So, the 3, a British, a Japanese & a Singaporean, lined up at the start. Bang!

They started to ran like they never did before. At the 80 meter mark, the British was shot down. Before he went down, he patriotically shouted, 'Long live the Queen' and died.

At 90 meters, the Japanese was shot. Before he went down, he shouted, 'Banzai' and died.

Now the Singaporean was at 93m, 95m, 98m, 99m... ... Bang! He, too, was shot down.

Before he died, he shouted, 'WAH LAO!!' One meter also no discount!'

2008-10-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

What Is That Thing Again?

An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues, a man and a woman by the altar.

He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensures that the universal balance was maintained.

"This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin."

"What about the other one?" asked the tourist.

"This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-YIU."

Name has been change to avoid upcoming diasters. ahahahs.
However, Most will catch the ball, for what is change still sounds the same.

2008-10-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Today veri sianz....
wake up then eat then play computer
aiya dont know what to write.............

i cant figure out why the school take our $15 just for Frisbee and rollerblading....
frisbee can ownself bring de lor then still take our $$ T.T
my primary school got the activities for free de lor
then sec school need to pay....
anyway i like frisbee but not like to pay :P

2008-10-16T00:51:00.001-07:00

R for...........

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. 'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!'
'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian.
'Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the & accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng.
'Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'*

2008-10-16T00:50:00.001-07:00

11 People on a rope

11 people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, 10 men & 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

2008-10-16T00:40:00.001-07:00

What's the difference between ang-mor and Hokkien fairy tales?

Ang-mor fairy tales begin with: "Once upon a time..."

Hokkien fairy tales begin with: "Lim Peh ka li kong..."

2008-10-16T00:38:00.001-07:00

Miss Singapore Joke...

Miss Singapore competing for the Ms Universe!

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW !

Judge: ?????????!!!!

Bra Ads

2008-10-12T07:06:00.002-07:00

Bra Ads

This is wat triumph is doing this few yews!

2008-10-12T07:06:00.001-07:00

Confusing Chinese Names
>
> Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
>
>
> Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
>
>
> Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
>
>
> Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
>
>
> Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
>
>
> Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
>
>
> Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
>
>
> Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgen t matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
>
>
> Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
>
>
> Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
>
>
> Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

2008-10-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

OUR HERO!!!

Our Local Hero! BATMAN BIN SUPARMAN
This is what you get when superman and batman have a relation together.

2008-10-11T22:34:00.001-07:00

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names (die die must read)

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

2008-10-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

NEVER GO TO BOSS FOR HELP!!!
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that
the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I understood Sir ! thank you sir for all the money you have been giving me, I am sorry for trying to steal from the Company !!!

2008-10-04T03:29:00.001-07:00

why do you want a pay increase

'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife (really furious now): 'Did my ****ing
husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Senora, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE RAISE!

2008-10-04T03:26:00.001-07:00

Stupid Driver
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe?

Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.

The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home.... He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!"